i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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