He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
