So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
