Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
