You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
