barbara walters just said penis...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's blow job season.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
