last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
