How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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