absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
