He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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