Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
