Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
