she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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