i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
