she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
