Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
