hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
