Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
