Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
