apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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