She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
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After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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