your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
