There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
