Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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