No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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