im having a threesome with these popsicles
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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