O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Randomize
