i need an iv and a liver transplant
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
