In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
