OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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