she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
