i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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