So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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