I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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