apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I booty called her while she was in labor.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
