omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
