Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
