this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
