dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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