My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
