Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There was a lot of him and a little penis
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
