do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Someone shattered a urinal.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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