Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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