Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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