My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
