he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
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Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
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I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
God, I missed his penis.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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