My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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