Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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