I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
