u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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