Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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