That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Randomize
