Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
