I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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