oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
