At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
