Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
