the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
