Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
