Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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