She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
