oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well you can't waste a boner
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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