what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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