is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
