remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
