I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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