he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
