i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
