What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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