I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
