Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
